Hello old friends! Today I decided to make fettucine alfredo and as expected, I was both too lazy and too confident to look up a recipe. You may be surprised, but this actually worked out pretty well for me. It’s like that saying goes…*

Turns out fettuccine alfredo isn’t that hard to make! Hoorah! Being the generous person that I am, I decided to share my newfound wisdom with you all. It comes in the form of a recipe that isn’t really recipe because see above, I’m lazy. I mean, measuring cups are overrated if you ask me. Who wants to do all that extra dishwashing?

Rose’s Half-Assed (But Delicious) Fettuccine Alfredo

INGREDIENTS

1 box fettuccine pasta

1 block of cream cheese

Cheese, shredded**

More cheese**

A splash (or two) of milk

 

Seasonings

Salt

Pepper

Garlic

Red Cayenne Pepper

 

DIRECTIONS

  1. Boil some water. Throw the pasta in. Use a big pot so you don’t have to break it…or use a small pot and break it. Whatever. Do what you want.
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Mmmmmm fettuccine, you are pastably the most delicious thing I’ve ever seen. 

2. Remove the pasta from heat after about 10 minutes. Leave it a little under cooked because it’s gonna go back in the pot.

3.  Strain the pasta but don’t throw out the pasta water! Keep both the pasta and the water. Just remember that expression: don’t throw out the pasta with the pasta water. That’s how it goes, right?

4. Okay, now pour the pasta water back into the pot. If you boiled your pasta in a ton of water, don’t use it all. Let’s gestimate 2 cups. I used the same pot I made the pasta in because it’s in line with my life goal of washing as few dishes as possible.

5. Add your cream cheese to the pasta water mix. Yes it looks weird, but go with it. It helps to break it up so it melts faster.

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6. Add in whatever shredded cheese you have in your fridge. I used this spicy Mexican blend because I support immigrants. Kidding, it was just cheaper. **

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7. Add some more cheese! I threw in this leftover mozzarella I had. I’m such a profesh y’all.

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8. Add in salt, pepper, garlic, and red cayenne pepper if you like things a little spicy…Does it sound like I’m hitting on you? 😉

9. Add milk, if you have any, just for kicks and giggles.

10. Ok, your concoction should look something like this:

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11. Oh, I forgot the Italian herb blend. It was on sale. It’s parsley and rosemary and some other supposedly Italian things.

11 1/2. I put the pasta over the cheese. I was just curious what it would be like to steam cheese. A totally optional step.

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12. Okay, fun’s over. Now you can throw the pasta back into the mix. Mix it all together and you get the best of both worlds…

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Look at that! It’s all coming together. It looks like a meal right? I’d like to thank God, and my parents for believing in me…

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Mmmmm. This is the closest I’ve ever been to falling in love. 

 

Pasta Puns.  You’re welcome.

*My roommate says it’s something about a broken clock being right twice a day. I don’t think that’s what I was looking for. Help?

**Ideally, this cheese should be white, but hey, I’m all for diversity. Pick whatever you want.

***It’s okay, my parents are immigrants. So it’s not offensive, right?

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